Self-awareness is both rare and attainable. Here’s how.
I’ve been working with leaders across the world for a few decades now and there’s one thing I’ve found that effective leaders have in common: at least some level of self-awareness.
If you’re currently saying to yourself “tick, yep I’m self-aware” keep reading….
In her Harvard Business Review article What self-awareness really is (and how to cultivate it), organisational psychologist Dr Tasha Eurich says self-awareness is both rare and very attainable. Success comes down to putting what is known about self-awareness into practice.
Two types of self-awareness
In Dr Eurich’s research – spanning 10 studies and around 5000 participants – it emerged that there are two key types of self-awareness: internal, or how well you understand yourself, and external, or how well you understand how other people see you. Some people are adept at one and not the other; some people struggle with both.
And rarely, someone manages both kinds of insight.
“We’ve found that even though most people believe they are self-aware, self-awareness is a truly rare quality,” Dr Eurich writes. “We estimate that only 10%–15% of the people we studied actually fit the criteria.”
Why is self-awareness so important for us as leaders?
I work with leaders in many different organisations and I see the huge impact of that moment when they suddenly become aware of the impact they have on their teams. It’s that moment when a leader reflects on the conversations they are having and realises they are not coaching, but telling; that moment when they experience how it feels to be really listened to and want to have their team members feel that way; that moment when they are vulnerable and see how they grow as a leader.
It is powerful and life changing for some leaders and I love being part of that. People who see themselves clearly are confident and creative in their work. They communicate well, which breeds stronger relationships. They trust themselves to make sound decisions. Leaders with self-awareness have teams that are more satisfied, in companies which are more productive.
“In short, self-awareness is a major advantage for anyone hoping to be their best in a leadership role. Alongside the research, this has been my experience across the many hundreds of leaders I’ve worked with.”
How do I get me some self-awareness?
I’ll admit that for some people self-awareness proves elusive. They might try incredibly hard but they’re just not hard-wired to have a clear grasp on their own values, fit, reactions, impact, or how others see them.
However, for most of us, a decent level of self-awareness is something that can be achieved with determination and persistence, and in my experience it’s a very valuable place for a leader (and me!) to expend some effort.
There are two areas to focus on when you’re trying to bolster your self-awareness
1. Self-reflection
This will build your internal self-awareness; how well you know yourself. Internal self-awareness is associated with higher job and relationship satisfaction, personal and social control, and happiness.
Start with your successes/strengths. Focus first on what you do well – it will energise you and create resilience, help you to drill into the details of what’s working and how results are created, and prompt curiosity to examine a situation for opportunities.
Then look at what needs work. Practice honesty: what could you have done better? What could you have done differently for more impact? If you don’t reflect, you skip past the learning and wisdom, and this is when we often see repeated fails or challenges over time.
When reflecting on your performance, there are three powerful questions I suggest leaders ask themselves:
What went well in that situation and why?
What would I want to continue doing?
What would I do differently and why?
2. Quality feedback
It can be incredibly hard to develop a clear and accurate assessment of your skills and effectiveness. Feedback is invaluable in building your external self-awareness; how well you understand how others see you. External self-awareness helps leaders be more skilled at showing empathy and understanding others’ perspectives.
The more senior you are in your organisation, the harder it is to achieve clear perspective on your own performance.
Dr Eurich’s team discovered that experience and seniority will usually inflate a person’s self-evaluation of their performance and self-knowledge. It makes sense and I’ve seen it often: when there are very few people above you in the food chain, you can miss out of valuable feedback that could help you grow, and learn, and better evaluate your strengths and weaknesses.
One study of 3600 leaders found they significantly over-valued their skills in areas such as trustworthiness and leadership performance when compared with others’ perceptions of them.
In my work, I have found it is this disparity - true effectiveness versus perception - that can create some of the most revelatory ‘Aha’ moments for leaders. Overly confident leaders are often especially floored to find they lack an accurate view on their own abilities. They sit back and seem to see for the first time the impact they are having on those they lead.
“When none of your team will tell you what they really think , honest feedback becomes even more important, and it can be an absolute gamechanger for a leader wanting to do and be better.”
Find someone you trust, who you can have vulnerable conversations with, and ask them to help you understand how you are received by your team, in which ways you are effective, and in which ways you are hindering your team.
It’s important your manner and questions let the person giving you feedback know that you are genuinely seeking honest feedback and will not hold any grudges!
Once you find that person you can trust, consider asking them these three illuminating questions:
What have you noticed in the way I lead that works well with my team?
What else could I be focusing on in terms of how I lead my team?
What do you think would make the biggest difference to my team?
Once you have clarity around your performance as a leader, you can use that newfound self-awareness to set goals. Look at the gaps in your approach and your abilities, and work to address them. Understand the strengths in your approach, and work to keep building them.
What about you?
The key message I took from Dr Eurich’s research is that we can all work to have better self-awareness. What could you do today to start improving your understanding of yourself, how you are perceived, and the impact you have? Who do you know that could help you gain that all-valuable honest feedback?
Self-awareness is very much worth pursuing. Perhaps reflect on this concept for a couple of days and become aware of what you’re currently doing, then make a plan, and get started!
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